Warmth
by Angelstearz
Summary: Jess tries to find a warm reprieve from his cold memories.
1. Warmth Jess

Title: Warmth  
  
Rating: PG  
  
Summary: Jess tries to find warmth from his cold memories.  
  
Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, but if you wish to sue me for their use, go ahead. All you'll get is the lint from my pockets as payment. Also the song is not mine, it is Avril Lavigne's.   
  
A.N.: This is set in the winter, so all the spring episodes DO NOT apply! Also, any words included in ( ) are song lyrics.   
  
This is my first GG fic but NOT my first fanfiction period.   
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
'Meet me at the bridge. 10'   
  
Was all the note had said.  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _   
  
The bridge was encased in a black darkness unlike any Jess had ever seen before. The only visible thing to him was the glow of the red cinders on the tip of his already dying cigarette. He sat in the middle, waiting, wondering if she would even show up.   
  
(I'm standing on a bridge  
I'm waitin in the dark)  
  
Jess felt a chill go up his back. It was cold tonight. A cold he remembered all too well.   
  
He twitched his fingers nervously, not wanting to give in to the memories. He looked from side to side pleading for the silhouette of the only person who gave him a chance to appear.   
  
(I thought that you'd be here by now  
There's nothing but the rain  
No footsteps on the ground  
I'm listening but there's no sound)  
  
Jess looked down at the cigarette in his hand and held it up for an inspection. He flinched and disgustedly threw the butt into the freezing lake. As he watched the red embers die, he succumbed to the swirling mix of memories in his head.  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
"Come on, boy. It won't hurt ya." Five-year-old Jess instinctively pulled away from the arms of his mother's latest boyfriend.   
  
His young eyes looked pleadingly towards his mother's figure but she was already too strung out to care. He looked back to the man before him, "I said, Come here boy!" A defiant glare came over Jess as he kicked the man in the shin and took off running towards his room.  
  
He slammed the door and locked it. He then ran into the closet and shut the door, where a stack of old books were laying. He grabbed one and frantically began reading it, trying his damnedest to shut out the pounding on his door.  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"Hey baby. You looking for some company?" Twelve-year-old Jess ignored to call from the woman and continued to walk down the littered street. He kicked a beer can and watched it go rolling into the way of traffic.   
  
He heard footsteps behind him and, keeping his head down, walked a little faster. The steps picked up the pace with him and before he knew it he was running down the street towards his apartment building.   
  
The footsteps got closer and closer until two strong hands grabbed him from behind. They tossed him into an alleyway nearby, throwing him to the ground. The man pulled a switchblade and demanded Jess' money.  
  
"I don't have any!" The man kicked Jess in the face and said again, "The money, kid." Again Jess swore he had none.  
  
The man was getting annoyed. He picked Jess up and as he slammed Jess' body into the wall, he plunged the knife into his stomach.   
  
Jess doubled over. The man grabbed Jess' wallet out of his back pocket and took off running in the opposite direction, leaving Jess on the ground holding his bleeding wound.  
  
He closed his eyes and wished it would be over soon.  
  
(Isn't anyone trying to find me  
Won't somebody come take me home)  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
"So, you in?" Fifteen-year-old Jess only thought for a second before agreeing to the scheme. His friends had bought some dope to sell and he was looking to make some fast cash.  
  
They split up the merchandise and all went in different directions.   
  
Jess took off a little closer to his apartment building so he could make a quick getaway, if need be. Jess made the first few deals easy enough but on his third one, trouble happened.  
  
As soon as they swapped money for goods, the man buying flashed a badge and Jess took off running. He ran as fast as his legs would carry him but he ran straight into a waiting cop car. He landed on the hood and the undercover officer pinned him against it, keeping his head on the smooth steel.  
  
(It's a damn cold night  
Tryin to figure out this life)  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
  
"Nice to have you back with us, Mariano." Seventeen-year-old Jess was escorted into the police station, his hands cuffed behind him. He was led back into the cell that had become like a second home to him.  
  
(I'm looking for a place  
Searching for a face  
Is there anybody here I know)  
  
Jess was sitting on the cot with his head in his hands and only looked up when he heard the door being opened. His eyes met the cold and disappointed eyes of his mother. He stood and walked out.  
  
They got to the car and she only said one thing, "You're going to stay with your uncle."  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~   
  
Jess sat on the bus and saw the sign.  
  
'Welcome to Stars Hollow'  
  
He thought he was going to be sick. A few minutes later the bus pulled to a stop and he resignedly stood up. He grabbed his bag and stepped off, finding the man he assumed was his uncle.  
  
They exchanged words and he began to follow Luke to his diner. This was going to be hell.  
  
(Cause nothing's going right  
And everything's a mess  
And no one likes to be alone)  
  
He caught a glimpse of brown hair and saw it belonged to a girl he would normally never give a second glance but something about her just took you in.   
  
The girl was coming out of the bookstore, so caught up in her purchase that she didn't even look up but seemed to know the route she was taking by heart.   
  
She held an aura of innocence that Jess had long since abandoned and for a split second, he felt a pang of jealousy.   
  
He stopped staring as she went out of view and ran to catch up with his uncle.   
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _   
  
Jess blinked as the haze of memories began to fall back. He started to twitch again, and looked at his watch.  
  
He had to really stare at it to be able to see. 10:23  
  
He pulled another cigarette out and put it in his mouth.   
  
He flicked the lighter, bringing it up to his mouth, one hand hovering over the light to keep it from going out. As the cigarette began to flare up, indicating his success in lighting it he saw her.  
  
Rory.   
  
She hesitated for a brief moment but began to make her way over to him. She sat next to him and, with one small smile, she gave him a brief respite from the overflow of painful memories.  
  
"Hi."  
  
He smirked at her and could feel his long cold body begin to warm, "Hey."  
  
(Won't you take me by the hand  
Take me somewhere new  
I don't know who you are  
But I'm, I'm with you)  
  
END  
  
A.N.: I was wondering if I should write more to this story or not?  
PLEASE review. You know you want to. 


	2. Warmth Rory

A.N.: I'm not sure if I'll go anywhere else with this. If I get some reviews, I might. I need to know people are reading this before I continue with it.  
  
Oh and, if I do, in case you haven't already figured it out, this will be a R/J.  
  
  
(Rory's P.O.V.)  
  
  
'Meet me at the bridge. 10'  
  
Rory stared at the note that had fluttered out of her locker at school. She looked up, as if searching for the person who had left it. It was impossible, of course, seeing as how the person who had left it was supposedly in classes at Stars Hollow High School.  
  
That just left one nagging thought, *How did he find my locker? Or even my school?*   
  
She shrugged it off as she heard the bell signifying the start of her last class.  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
Rory stared blankly as she listened to her mother blabber on and on about the unfairness of her getting to miss out of the usual Friday dinner tonight. "......why can't I use the school excuse? I'm in school! It's not fair! I don't wanna go alone!"  
  
Rory shrugged, "Sorry, mom but I don't think Grandma will take 'I have a test in my ONE business class on next Thursday. Can I stay home too?' as an acceptable excuse."  
  
Lorelai began to grumble, "Well, why not? It's a plausible reason!"  
  
Rory raised her eyebrows, "Plausible?"  
  
"It was on my word a day calendar."  
  
"Ah."  
  
There was a comfortable silence between the mother and daughter as both began thinking about their upcoming evenings. Lorelai stood and made her way to the counter "Oh, Luke!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
Rory watched them fight and flirt over the coffee for a few minutes then began to let her mind drift to the note, which was still in her pocket.   
  
She watched Jess as he wiped down the empty tables.   
  
She didn't get him.   
  
He was so rude and condescending to everyone but her and she wanted to know why.   
  
Maybe she could find out tonight.  
  
Rory bit her lip as she thought about it. Should she go? I mean, it's obvious Jess wanted to talk to her. But if Dean found out...  
  
She shook her head. It didn't matter if Dean found out. Jess was her friend and Dean can't tell her who her friends are.  
  
Her mom came back, proudly carrying a full cup of coffee. Rory sighed and stood as her mom sat down. "Hey, where're ya going? I just got back."  
  
She grabbed her coat and went to the door, "I'm gonna go home. Start on my homework. I'll see ya at home."  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
Rory watched the clock.  
  
9:43  
  
If she was going to go, she needed to go now. She sighed heavily and stood, grabbing her coat, and heading out the front door. When she turned around after shutting the door, she was surprised to find someone standing there, "Dean! What're you doing here?"  
  
He shrugged, "Just thought I'd stop by. See how your HOMEWORK was turning out." He said the last statement accusingly, trying to make Rory feel guilty about something.  
  
Rory straightened up, "My HOMEWORK turned out fine. I just finished about 15 minutes ago."  
  
Dean smiled, "Good. Then we can do something?" He started to pull her back towards the house but she stayed put, "Ummm...actually..."  
  
He turned back to her, "What? You don't want to?"  
  
She shrugged, "I kind of already have plans." She looked at her watch.  
  
9:55  
  
*Shoot.* She was going to be late.  
  
"With who?" Rory could hear the jealousy laced in the question and groaned. "Does it really matter, Dean?"  
  
"I think I have a right to know who my girlfriend is spending time with!"  
  
Rory threw her hands up in the air, "No you don't! You don't have a RIGHT to know. God, Dean, why can't you just accept the fact that Jess and I are friends?"  
  
"I don't like him, Rory!"  
  
"Oh, ok. That clears it all up for me. So because YOU don't like him, I have to stop being his friend. Please explain the logic in that to me."  
  
Dean grabbed her arm tightly, "The logic is that I don't like him and you should respect that."  
  
Rory stared at Dean and wrenched her arm out of his hand, "Go away Dean. I can't do this anymore! I can't feel guilty about hanging out with my friends. I can't feel this fear I feel when you see me with Jess."   
  
Rory started to walk towards the bridge but Dean caught up with her, "What are you saying, Rory?"  
  
She stopped and faced him, "I'm saying, We're THROUGH!"   
  
She continued walking, leaving a stunned Dean behind her. She looked at her watch again.  
  
10:22  
  
She started to walk faster until she made it to the bridge.   
  
He was sitting in the middle, lighting a cigarette.   
  
She froze for a second when his eyes found hers but, falteringly, kept walking towards him.   
  
She sat down and smiled.  
  
"Hi."  
  
He gave her his patented smirk, "Hey."  
  
  
PLEASE Review! You know you wanna..come on...PLEASE? 


	3. Familywho needs 'em?

A.N.: I would REALLY like to know if people like where I'm going with this or not. I'll take good AND bad reviews. I can stand a little criticism. (This picks up where the last chapters left off.)  
  
  
And REMEMBER this is set in the winter so obviously "Teach Me Tonight" hasn't happened, and honestly probably won't in my fic.  
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~  
  
  
  
"Hi."  
  
He smirked at her, "Hey."  
  
"So..."  
  
He quirked an eyebrow at her, "So?"  
  
Rory let out an exasperated breath, "You're the one who left me the note. Though I would like to know how you got it there....."  
  
Jess looked back down at his hands and for a second Rory saw a flash of vulnerability. He threw the unused cigarette into the lake and continued to study his hands.   
  
He mumbled something and Rory missed it, "I'm sorry, what?"  
  
He let out a groan and lay back on the bridge, staring at the sky. He looked over to Rory who was giving him a questionable look. He sighed, "I said, I just didn't want to go to bed yet."  
  
She heard him and thought about it, confused, "Well why not?"  
  
Jess became agitated, "Because, Rory, not everyone dreams about daisies and fairies, okay? Some of us have things we don't like to think about."  
  
There was a silence and Jess knew he had hurt Rory. "Look, I didn't mean-"  
  
"Yeah, you did." There was another silence and Rory stood, "I'm gonna go."   
  
Jess groaned again and stood to go after her, "Rory-"  
  
"I'll see you at the diner tomorrow, okay?" He nodded numbly, knowing she wasn't too upset at him and feeling a little bit better. He didn't want to think about what it would be like to have her avoiding him.  
  
Jess shoved his hands in his pockets and walked back to the diner, kicking at a rock in the street. He watched it go to the other side and Jess shook his head, clearing his mind of the memory it had brought back.  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
Rory walked up the steps and as she turned the doorknob, it swung open to reveal her mother.   
  
"Mom! I thought you were at Grandma's."  
  
"I was." Lorelai replied coolly, "Happen to catch the time lately?" Rory furrowed her brow, "Yeah, it's what 11:00?"  
  
"Try 12:15. Where were you? You said you were gonna be home all night!" Rory opened her mouth to answer but her mother wasn't done yet, "And don't say you were with Dean because he was still here waiting to talk to you when I got home."  
  
Rory tried to answer again but her mother cut in, "You were with Jess weren't you?" Rory gave up trying to give a verbal answer and nodded. "I knew it! I knew he was going to do this! I tried to stop it but-"  
  
"Mom!" Lorelai stopped and looked at her daughter. "Calm down. We were just talking."  
  
"Oh. So you broke up with Dean to go talk with Jess for an hour and a half?" Rory stared at her mother, "How did you-"  
  
"I told you, Dean was still here when I got home." Rory went into the living room and sat on the couch, her mother closely following.   
  
"Honey, I thought you and Dean were happy." Rory shrugged, "So did I. But I'm not upset."  
  
"You wanna talk about it?" Rory was going to say no but her mouth didn't seem to agree with her head, "I don't know, Mom. I just got fed up. Dean was like a whole different person and I didn't like that person."  
  
"I thought we thought that possessive thing was cute?" Rory looked up from her lap, debating whether to show her mom or not.   
  
"Gee, I don't know mom," Rory started sarcastically, "does this look 'cute' to you?" Rory pulled up her sleeve to reveal a large bruise forming around her wrist from when Dean grabbed her earlier.  
  
Lorelai leaned back and felt tears in her eyes, "Oh, honey." She pulled Rory to her so that Rory's head was in her lap and she was brushing her fingers through Rory's hair.  
  
Rory kept her head in her mom's lap and started to explain, "I was about to leave to meet Jess, where all we did was talk I swear!, and Dean was waiting for me. He tried to accuse me of lying to him about my homework. I told him I had already finished and when he suggested we watch a movie or something I had to tell him I had plans. I mean I was already late! He got jealous and when I asked him to explain why I couldn't be friends with Jess he grabbed my wrist and kind of twisted it, hard. THAT'S why I broke up with him."  
  
Lorelai listened to her daughter and was angered by the time she was finished, "I'll kill him. I swear it. That boy won't know what hit him by the time I'm done!"   
  
Rory sat up, "Mom, no. I don't want anyone to know about this." Her mom looked doubtful, "Please? It was a heat of the moment kind of thing and I don't even think Dean realized what he was doing or did."  
  
Lorelai shook her head as she watched her daughter go to her room. Sometimes that girl had a heart too big.  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _   
  
(Luke's Next morning)  
  
Both mother and daughter were quiet as they made their way into the diner. Rory went over to where Jess was at and Lorelai sat in front of Luke.  
  
Luke was prepared to argue with Lorelai but decided against it when she saw the amount of sadness in her eyes as she watched her daughter.  
  
She looked up at him with a silent gratitude as he set the coffee down. He started to question her but stopped when he saw her stiffen. He looked to what she was looking at.  
_ _ _ _ _ _   
(Rory and Jess)  
  
"Hey." He looked up and smiled, "Isn't that my line?" She shrugged and sat down across from him.   
  
He looked around conspiratorially and leaned in whispering, "What if Dean sees us?" Rory winced slightly and looked away. Jess watched her, wondering what he had said. She turned back and met his eyes, "We broke up."  
  
Jess was surprised, "What? When?" She looked down at her hands, "Last night. It's why I was late."  
  
"Oh."   
  
"Yeah. Mom wasn't happy to say the least." Jess looked over to the elder Gilmore, "Is that why you're here and she's there?" Rory averted her eyes, "Sort of." The two continued their conversation that eventually led to his teasing her. She stood up in a fake huff and started to storm off when he grabbed her by the wrist to stop her.  
  
Rory gasped and pulled away, holding her wrist to her chest protectively. Jess froze at her small cry of pain, "Rory? You ok?" She wouldn't meet his eyes, "I'm fine. You just startled me is all." He walked over to her, "Rory..."  
  
"Really, Jess. I'm fine." He watched her, "Ok. You're fine." She nodded and they stood there in an awkward silence. "Then let me see your wrist." She shook her head, "No."  
  
"Well, if you're so fine, then it shouldn't be a problem." Jess tenderly pulled her sleeve down, revealing a deep and ugly bruise around her wrist. "What the-"  
  
Rory closed her eyes. This is exactly what she wanted to avoid, "Jess, it's nothing."  
  
He shook his head, "Nothing? Rory, if it was nothing you wouldn't be trying to hide it."  
  
"No, I'm hiding it because I don't want everyone to react like this and go off on..." Rory trailed off and Jess knew what she was going to say, "Go off on Dean?" Rory flinched but nodded her head. "Fuck that! Someone should go off on Dean. He hurt you!"  
  
"Shh!" She looked around the diner which, thankfully, was deserted besides her, Jess, her mother, and Luke. She saw Luke and her mother watching them. She couldn't tell yet if he had heard them. "Look, he didn't mean to, ok? It was an accident."  
  
"Oh, yeah, right. I think that's the standard line from women with black eyes." Jess replied sarcastically. Rory cringed and stated quietly, "That's why we're not together anymore."  
  
Jess calmed down and eyed Rory carefully, "That's it, right? I mean he didn't do anything else, did he?" She shook her head but it took a moment for Jess to believe her. "Come with me." She looked him in the face, startled, "What?"  
  
Jess smirked and held out his hand, "Come on." She put her good hand in his and he pulled her up the stairs. They went into the apartment and into Jess' 'room'. He tossed a book at her and she caught it, "A Farewell To Arms?" She tossed the book back at him, "I don't read Hemingway. Too boring."  
  
"Oh and Ayn Rand is full of life herself?" She smiled and shook her head, "Here we go again."  
_ _ _ _ _ _  
  
(Luke and Lorelai)  
  
Luke saw her eye them as they went upstairs, "Calm down, I'm sure it's nothing." Lorelai looked at him defensively, "I wasn't gonna say anything... but now that you mention it..."  
  
He smiled to himself ruefully, "Leave it alone, Lorelai."  
  
Lorelai watched him as he worked. She had heard the conversation which meant that Luke HAD to have heard but he wasn't saying anything. It was pretty nice of him.  
  
Lorelai looked at the door when it opened and her body stiffened at the new arrival. Luke looked up and went to the other side of the counter. Dean walked over to Lorelai, "Hey. I was wondering if you could tell me where Rory is. I kind of need to talk to her."  
  
Lorelai didn't even acknowledge him. Luke, on the other hand, did. "Get out." He looked up at Luke, "What?"  
  
"You heard me, out!" Dean backed up and looked between Lorelai and Luke, "Lorelai, can't you do something? She broke up with me, not the other way around."  
  
Lorelai turned to him and looked at him with accusing eyes, "You hurt her."  
  
Dean scoffed, "What are you talking about? I wouldn't hurt Rory. I love her!"   
  
Luke stepped closer to him, "She's talking about the two-inch bruise on Rory's wrist, you moron. Now get out and don't come back!"  
  
Dean looked over at Lorelai with disbelief, "I didn't touch Rory! If it was anyone, it was probably that idiot Jess. She was on her way to meet him or have you forgotten?"  
  
Luke was about to say something but Lorelai beat him to it, "Rory says it was you and I believe her. Now don't you say one more bad thing about Jess because, even if I have my misgivings and mistrusts about him, I do know one thing for sure and that's that he likes Rory. And he respects her. He wouldn't lay a damn finger on her that would hurt her. And he certainly wouldn't try to blame someone else if he by chance DID hurt her! Now, GET OUT!"  
  
Dean jumped back as she yelled at him and mutely left the diner.  
  
Lorelai went and sat back down. Luke stared at her in awe, "Wow."  
  
She met his eyes with hers, "No one hurts my baby." Luke grabbed the coffee-pot and refilled her cup.  
_ _ _ _ _ _  
  
"Wow." Jess nodded in agreement. They were standing on the stairs, having just heard the entire thing.   
  
"My mom stood up for you. YOU, of all people." He pulled away, feigning hurt, "Is that so hard to believe?"  
  
She thought about it for a second and then replied, "Yes." She finished walking down the stairs and went into the diner.   
  
Jess stayed behind, silently agreeing with Rory. He stepped off the last step and looked at the three people in front of him. Rory and Lorelai were quarreling about something or other and Luke was pretending not to hear them.  
  
More people came in and sat down and as Jess watched the families and friends, his heart ached.  
  
It longed for what they had. That closeness. Hell, even someone to call his family.   
  
Jess snorted. *Family. Please, who needs 'em? I got myself and as long as I do, I'm good.* He went back up the stairs and grabbed his jacket and a pack of cigarettes.   
  
He didn't feel like sticking around for a live rendition of 'Pleasantville'. 


	4. Broken

A.N.: This part is VERY angsty, sooooo if you don't want angst don't read it. I hope you enjoy this. I worked hard on it. PLEASE review?  
  
  
  
(Christmas break, two weeks later)  
  
Rory took off her coat and fell tiredly into a seat at the counter in Luke's, officially signaling the beginning of her Christmas break. Luke went over to her and poured her a cup of coffee, which she gratefully accepted. She ordered a hamburger and fries and when he brought it back to her, she asked, "Where's Jess?"  
  
Luke set her plate down, "How should I know? Off doing whatever it is that he does, I guess."  
  
Rory nodded glumly. Jess had been avoiding her since that day in the diner and whenever they did speak, he was even more sardonic than usual. She didn't know what she had done or said but was more than willing to find out and fix whatever it was.  
  
Rory stared at her plate of food for a while before her mother showed up. "You know, I've heard that if you stare at the food long enough, then it starts to do tricks."  
  
Rory blinked and glanced at her mother as she sat down in front of her, "Bad day, sweets?" Rory just nodded again. Her mother smiled sympathetically, "Wanna talk about it?"  
  
Rory shook her head and stood up, "I think I'm gonna go for a walk."  
  
Rory walked pulled her coat on and walked out the door. She watched her feet as she walked and soon found herself at that familiar spot. And she wasn't alone.   
  
She stiffened and was about to walk away when he spotted her. She finished walking to him and sat down.  
  
There was a tense silence as one waited for the other to speak. Rory sighed and broke the absolute quiet, "So..."  
  
He eyed her, "So...?"  
  
"How have you been?"  
  
Jess grinned at her, "How have I been? You see me everyday."   
  
Rory snorted, "Whatever." He looked away from her and at the lake. A silence descended upon the two again.  
  
Rory fidgeted with the button on her coat before giving up. She stood and began to walk away. She thought she heard something behind her, so she turned around.  
  
Jess was standing in the middle, staring after her.   
  
"Did you-" Before she could finish he took one step forward and quietly repeated himself.   
  
"Stay."  
  
Rory swallowed hard, "Why?"  
  
He wouldn't meet her eyes and Rory thought he wasn't going to answer her. He shrugged and muttered uncomfortably, "I don't know." She rolled her eyes and started to leave again.  
  
"Rory..." She stopped once more and asked again, "Why?"  
  
"I don't...I mean....argh!" Jess threw his hands up in frustration. Rory waited for him to continue but when he didn't, she considered walking away.  
  
Before she could, he grabbed her arm and turned her to face him. She started to protest when his lips found hers.   
  
Surprise overcame Rory and she tried to pull away but the longer he kissed her the more she stopped resisting.   
  
When he pulled away from her a few minutes later, Rory was breathless.   
  
Jess was mentally kicking himself, "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." Rory was still standing in silent amazement. When he said that she looked up, startled, "What?"  
  
He shook his head and started to pace, "I shouldn't have......I mean...I can't..."  
  
"Can't what?"  
  
"I can't do this."  
  
Rory furrowed her brow in confusion, "Do what?" Jess clenched his hands into fists, "This!"  
  
Rory shrugged, still confused, "I don't understand! Jess, WHAT was that?"  
  
Jess let out a groan of frustration, "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter that I've dreamed of doing that for months. It doesn't matter that now I can do that without getting the shit beat out of me. It just doesn't....matter anymore."  
  
Rory widened her eyes in astonishment, "You've...dreamed of that?"  
  
Jess slid his hands through his hair and rubbed his temples. "I gotta go." He tried to walk away but Rory stood in his way, "Jess!"  
  
Rory looked into Jess' eyes and could see something she couldn't quite describe in his eyes. It was a mixture of anger, fear, and...*Pain?*   
  
There was an indescribable pain in his facial features.   
  
Rory took a step back and Jess faltered on his pathway out. "Jess?" Rory tentatively called out and put a hand on his shoulder.  
  
Jess stared at her hand and pulled away harshly. Rory jumped back at his sudden movement. Jess walked the other way and angrily pulled out his pack of cigarettes.   
  
He lit his cigarette and breathed in the comforting smoke. He could hear Rory walking up behind him and shook his head, laughing ruefully. Neither person said anything. Rory was too confused to say anything and Jess too angry.   
  
"Jess-"  
  
"Rory don't, ok?" She watched him, bewildered, "Don't what?"  
  
Jess flashed her his patented smirk, "Just leave it alone."  
  
A few more minutes passed by before Jess said anything else, "I gotta get back to the diner."  
  
"But-"  
  
He called back to her, "See ya later." Jess was too scared to look back. He knew that if he did then he would never leave. And he had to. He couldn't stay.   
  
He was broken.  
  
And he didn't deserve her.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Push it....you know you wanna........*BG*  
But seriously, I really would like some more reviews. Let me know if you like where this is going. 


	5. Memories Resurfaced

A.N.: This part picks up right where the other ended. The next part I post will most likely be the end of the story. It's been a pleasure writing this story. 

: )

Oh, yeah, the words in italics are a flashback.

When the brush hid his retreating form from her eyes, Jess broke out into a frantic run. He fought his way through the branches as they tore at his clothes and skin.

~~~~~~

__

"Jess! Stop!"

At those words, Jess pushed his tiny legs to the tip of his strength. The purses and briefcases of the men and women around him were hitting his shoulders as he pushed through the crowd. 

~~~~~~

Jess could see a clearing at the end of the trail. He pumped his legs harder, as his breathing became more erratic.

~~~~~~

__

The crowds parted and Jess could make out the entrance of the subway. His hopes soared at the appearance of the miraculous sight. 

~~~~~~

It was becoming increasingly difficult for Jess to continue running. The cold was causing his lungs to close in and his head was becoming clouded with long-forgotten memories.

~~~~~~

__

Jess focused on the words that were fast becoming his saving grace. He could hear the sound of heavy feet pounding on the sidewalk behind him. Arms quickly encircled his small waist and he grabbed the railing on the subway steps. A voice tried to soothe him, "Calm down, son. Everything's gonna be okay." 

~~~~~~

Jess' chest was heaving, trying to pull in much needed air to ease his burning lungs. He soon found himself face first on the concrete in the alley behind his uncle's diner. He sat up with his back against the dumpster and his knees pulled up to his chest.

~~~~~~

__

Jess refused to let go of the railing, no matter how much the young patrolman tried to get him to. "Thank you so much officer. I tell you, kids are the damnedest things. You gotta watch em every second or they run off, ya know what I mean?"

Jess' tiny eyes widened and he shook his head, whimpering. The patrolman let go of him and turned to the voice, "You're welcome, Detective Reynolds."

When Reynolds grabbed Jess by the arm, he screamed. The detective gave the patrolman a pained look, "Temper tantrums. They get this way at this age." The patrolman smiled, waved at Jess, and walked away.

The detective picked a struggling Jess up and pulled him close, "Shut up, you brat." 

Jess began to kick and scream. "I said shut up!" He pulled Jess even closer, so that his mouth was almost touching Jess' ear, "No matter what you say......no one will believe you. You are nothing. Nothing but a punk-ass brat whose own mother would dime you out just to get a hit."

Jess quit screaming and kicking, leaving just wide, teary eyes and a quivering lip. Reynolds placed Jess back on the ground, keeping a tight hold on his wrist, and began walking back to his car, pulling a trembling Jess behind him. 

~~~~~~

Jess' shoulders began to shake as sobs overcame his physically and emotionally drained body. The pain he was feeling was excruciating as he recalled the repressed memory. As the tears subsided, he was left with one determined thought.

*Protect Rory.*

At any cost.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ 

Jess walked into the diner and past Luke, who was giving him a cross look. "You're late." Jess ignored him and began to walk upstairs. Luke grabbed Jess by the arm, "I'm tired of this routine-"

Jess shoved Luke away from him and down what few steps he had already gone up, "Don't touch me!"

Jess pounded up the stairs, leaving a diner full of shocked patrons.

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

When Jess made it upstairs, he went to the bathroom and turned the shower on. He walked to the sink and began getting undressed.

He took his button-up shirt off and threw it on the floor. He stared at the reflection of his deadened eyes in the mirror. His slightly sculptured chest also visible.

He shrugged off his white undershirt and quickly got out of his pants and boxers. 

The mirror was almost completely fogged up by the steam from the water as Jess climbed in. The last thing visible before Jess walked away were the scars. 

An unintelligible amount of old, faded, and painful scars.

Please please please review and tell me what you think.


	6. What I Want

A.N.: Okay, people. It's here! What you've been waiting for. Complete R/J goodness here! Please R/R!  
  
  
(The Next Day)  
  
Rory walked into the diner to find it packed with people, who were all chattering about something.  
  
"...Jess..."  
  
"...shoved him..."  
  
"...right down the stairs!"  
  
"...a miracle..."  
  
"...he wasn't hurt..."  
  
Rory went to the counter and sat. Luke walked over to her, "Coffee?"  
  
"Yes, please. So what's all this about?" Luke poured her a cup and slammed the coffeepot down. "Jess. Who else?"  
  
She furrowed her brows, "What happened?" Luke shrugged, "He got back late last night and when I questioned him about it, he shoved me."  
  
"He shoved you?" Luke nodded and walked away.   
  
Rory continued to sit there, lost in her thoughts as to what was going on with Jess. When Luke made his way back to her she asked him, "Is he here?"   
  
"Yeah, he's upstairs. Sleeping, I think." Rory nodded and, with one quick glance at the blatantly staring townspeople, went upstairs.   
  
"Jess?" She walked into the apartment and looked around. She couldn't hear him, "Jess?" Again she received no answer. She went to his door and knocked lightly.   
  
She could hear someone moving around inside, "Jess, come on. Open the door." She was about to try again when the door swung open.   
  
Rory jumped back in surprise. He quirked his eyebrow, "What?" Rory glared at him with impatience. "What? WHAT? You shove Luke down the stairs and you're asking ME what?"   
  
"Wow. Is that what everyone's saying? Cause you know, it's only partially correct. I mean, yeah I shoved him. Felt damn good, too. But I only shoved him down two steps. Not the whole fucking staircase. I wish, for once, someone would get the story right in this town."  
  
Rory stared in silence, amazed that Jess had managed to put together that whole little satire. He definitely wasn't known for his candor. She cleared her throat, "What does it matter what the town says? Truth is, you shoved him. And for no reason!"  
  
Jess' face clouded over in darkness, "Just because I didn't say anything about it doesn't mean I didn't have a reason."  
  
Rory pushed her way into his room and sat down on the bed with her arms crossed over her chest, "Okay then. What was your reason?"  
  
"Excuse me?" Rory looked him dead in the eye and repeated her question as if she were talking to a two year old, "What. Was. Your. Reason."  
  
Jess considered for a moment making up some "Cause I felt like it" bullshit but quickly threw the motion away as he saw the concern in her eyes. No one had ever been concerned about him before. It was a new, and good, feeling.  
  
He shrugged, "I was......frustrated. Luke just got caught in the middle." Rory watched him skeptically, "Really?" She couldn't tell if he was being honest or not.   
  
Jess smirked and nodded, "Yes. Really."   
  
"Oh." Rory let her arms drop to her side and looked down at her hands in her lap. The two were quiet before Rory looked up at Jess again, "Why were you frustrated?"   
  
She knew the answer but was only interested in getting him to admit it.  
  
Jess winced slightly, "I had...things on my mind."  
  
"Things like?" Jess heard the shyness in her voice and knew she was waiting for a specific answer and he decided to give her the one she wanted. He met her baby blue eyes and grinned, "I think you know what."  
  
She blushed and glanced away. She opened her mouth to say something else but quickly closed it again.   
  
He saw this and laughed to himself. He was about to get up and suggest they get out of the diner when she stood and made her way over to where he was sitting on his desk.   
  
Rory stood in front of him, nervous as hell about what she was going to do. He was watching her curiously. She put one hand directly over his now pounding heart. Their eyes met and Rory unconsciously licked her lips.  
  
She felt his entire body tense up as she lightly began to trace shapes with her finger on his muscled chest. He swallowed hard, "Rory-"  
  
"Shh." She placed a finger over his mouth to keep him from commenting. Her finger traveled down his neck back to his chest. She grabbed a handful of his shirt and pulled him closer to her.   
  
"What are you doing?" She looked him straight in the eyes before answering in a whisper, "What I want." This time the surprise advantage was hers when their lips met. He put one hand on the small of her back, holding her petite body against his, and tangled the other in her hair at the base of her neck.  
  
When the kiss ended, they were both breathless and overwhelmed by the powerful emotions they felt.   
  
When it ended, Jess tried to pull away but she wouldn't let him. "Rory-"  
  
She shook her head, "No. No regrets. I did it, Jess. I initiated it. I wanted it." He opened his mouth but she firmly shook her head again. He smirked, "Okay. No regrets."  
  
She smiled and looked up at him. They kissed again, only pulling apart to breathe. He rested his forehead against hers. She smiled again and blushed a little. He grinned.   
  
"Jess! Get down here now!" Jess took a deep breath but stopped Rory from pulling away. He gave her a quick kiss on the nose and walked to the door. He turned back to her, "Back to the real world, I guess."  
  
She nodded and mutely followed him down the stairs. *Yep. Back to the real world.*  
  
  
  
  
Okay, there ya go. I hope you enjoy it. Please please please review! 


	7. Scars Revealed

A.N.: ( ) encloses song lyrics. The song does not belong to me. It is "Love Song" by Sheila Nicholls.  
  
VERY ANGSTY!  
  
  
When Rory sat down next to her mother, Lorelai eyed her suspiciously. Rory eyed her back, "What?"   
  
Lorelai just shook her head innocently, "Nothing." Rory nodded slowly, "Right."   
  
After a few more minutes of an unusual awkward silence and Lorelai's quick, furtive glances, Rory gave up. She threw her hands up in exasperation, "Something bothering you? Cause last time I checked my face wasn't that interesting."   
  
Her mother was silent for only a few seconds before starting, "Well, it's--- you're---what's going on between you and Jess?"  
  
A guilty look crossed Rory's face for a fleeting moment but then she smiled again at her mother, "Nothing. We're just friends."  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _   
  
* 'We're just friends.' * The statement ran throughout Jess' mind as he watched the two Gilmores leave.   
  
Jess couldn't help but feel hurt by that. Rory was still.....what? ASHAMED of him?  
  
Jess snorted. *Figures.* He shook his head and threw down his dish towel. He ran up the stairs and grabbed a book and his cigarettes. He slammed the door to the diner, nearly shattering the glass as he stormed out.   
  
That's what he got for finally letting someone in.  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
Rory bit her lip as she sat on the couch with her mom, feeling guilty for having lied before. "Mom-"  
  
Her mother looked at her and waited, "Were you actually going to complete that thought or were you just trying out your voice?"  
  
Rory looked at her mother nervously. She started to ring her hands in her lap, "Mom-"  
  
"Yes, we have established that that is what I occasionally go by."  
  
"I lied." Lorelai pulled back in surprise, "I'm sorry. I thought I heard you say you lied."  
  
Rory looked down at her hands in shame and nodded guiltily. "About what, babe?" Her mother's voice was soft and quiet.  
  
"About me and Jess. Mom, I'm sorry. I just didn't know how to tell you! I didn't want you to be mad at me! I know you don't like him but he's really a good guy and he's nice to me. We can talk about the same things and he doesn't press me about things I don't want to do or say. I love him and I love you. I can't stand the thought that you and him don't get along-"   
  
Lorelai held up a hand to silence her now rambling daughter. She smiled, "It's okay. You're right. I'm not too fond of the little....anyways, you love him and I guess I'll just have to deal with it, right?"  
  
Rory looked startled, "Love him....I never said..." Realization dawned on Rory's face and Lorelai grinned gleefully. Her daughter had let it slip. "He he.........you're in love with Tess!" Rory blushed and then laughed.   
  
Her mom was right. She was in love with Jess.  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
--The Next Day--  
  
Rory almost felt like she was floating as she walked into the diner. She went to the counter and had a seat on one of the stools.   
  
She smiled at Luke and Luke just watched her warily. He cautiously poured her a cup of coffee and then walked away slowly. She sipped her drink and continued to watch Luke. When he made his way back to her to see if she needed a refill he was officially beginning to become creeped out. "Ok. What?"  
  
She blinked and stared, "What what?"  
  
"What's with this.....smiley....silent stalker thing?" Rory laughed, "Bet you can't say that ten times fast!"  
  
"You are your mother's daughter."  
  
"Where's Jess?"   
  
"Upstairs." She replied with her thanks and set down some money for the coffee.  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
--Upstairs--  
  
Rory poked her head in the apartment and smiled when she saw Jess reading on the couch. She almost felt like skipping as her heart began to pound inside her chest. She crept up behind him and almost laughed when she felt Jess jump as she placed her lips on the throbbing pulse in his neck.  
  
She then felt her world begin to crumble down around her when Jess stiffly stood up and walked away. "What's wrong?" She asked in a careful voice.   
  
He ignored her and rifled through his CDs. "Jess-" Her voice was cut off as a loud rock band began to blare through his speakers.   
  
She walked over to the CD player and shut it off, "Jess-"  
  
"Shouldn't you be off playing Shirley to Lorelai's Laverne?" Rory was speechless. Just yesterday, he had looked at her with such tenderness and now he looked at her with cold and bitter eyes.  
  
Jess opted to continue in his harsh tone, "I mean, what would the all-important Lorelai think if she knew her young, impressionable daughter was swapping spit with the bad boy? Because it surely can't be good. Everyone has to live up to her standards, don't they?"  
  
"Stop it!" Rory cried out in desperation. She had no idea what had happened between yesterday and today but whatever it was had hurt Jess a great deal. "What are you talking about?"  
  
He glanced at her with merciless eyes and continued in a bruised whisper, "How long? How long were you planning on keeping me a secret? Until you got bored? Or until you got caught? Come on, tell me. Was I just some sort of amusement to pass the time?"  
  
Rory was taken aback, "What are you talking about? I told my mom about us!" Jess snickered humorlessly, "Oh right. That must have been after the pigs learned to fly, right? So, am I really that much of an embarrassment?"   
  
"I did!"  
  
"You know, I might be inclined to believe you if it were not for the incredibly defensive tone and the fact that I heard you!" The last part was shouted and Rory stepped back in wonder.   
  
Jess was breathing hard and clenching his hands into fists at his side. Rory took a step closer and Jess, in turn, took one back. He wouldn't meet her eyes and went into his bedroom.  
  
He couldn't deal with her right now.  
  
Rory stared at the closed door in confusion and then it clicked. What he was saying. What he had 'heard'.  
  
"Oh, god." Her voice came out a haggard whisper.  
  
Rory went to his door and banged on the door, "Jess, open the door! Please!" She pleaded with the wood.  
  
She didn't have time for this.   
  
She opened the door and Jess gave her a numb stare. It was as if he didn't even see her.   
  
She went over to where he sat on the bed and kneeled in front of him. She wiped away the lone tear he had accidentally let fall, "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."  
  
Their eyes met and Rory saw a deeper need inside of them. A need to know she cared.   
  
Their lips met in a bruising kiss. He silently pulled her onto his lap as his tongue caressed hers. She pulled away from him and wiped the tears that were now falling freely down Jess' face.   
  
She disentangled herself from his arms and crawled backwards onto the bed. He watched her curiously. She grabbed his hand and pulled him to her.   
  
His eyes met hers questioningly. She smiled and he knew.  
  
He knew how she felt and he knew what she was saying.  
  
They kissed with both a ferocious passion and a timid gentleness. Her hands undid the buttons of his shirt.   
  
She pushed the cloth off of his body and threw it to the floor. Her eyes traveled over his chest and misted at the sight.   
  
Her hand reached out and touched one of the more obvious scars. He flinched and pulled away.   
  
He sat on the end of the bed and Rory crawled to him. She put a hand on his shoulder and he swallowed hard, trying to fight back the urge to push her away from him.   
  
"Jess?" He heard the question in her voice. He heard the fear.   
  
He turned his face away from hers. He felt the walls go back up and the old defense mechanisms take control.   
  
"Never did say I was a handsome devil."   
  
"Oh, Jess." He winced at what he perceived to be pity in her voice.  
  
"Don't." The word came out a guttural sound.   
  
  
(The words I have to say  
May well be simple but they're true)  
  
  
"What happened?" He heard what she thought was sincere wanting but what he knew as false hope. She hoped he would give some simple answer, like a car accident or some other shit.   
  
"I told you not everyone dreams of fairies and daisies. Some of us have living nightmares."  
  
Rory felt as if her heart was breaking. She heard the pain and anger in Jess' voice and wanted to make it all go away. "Tell me."  
  
  
(Until you give your love  
There's nothing more we can do)  
  
  
He looked at her in astonishment, "You really want to know? You want to know how my mother used to sell me out to get a hit of heroin? Or how she never stopped her men from damn near killing me because she was too fucking drunk to care. Or hey how about the reason I began reading books?"  
  
  
(Love is the opening door)  
  
  
Jess stood and walked to his door. He fell back against it and watched Rory with distant eyes, "You want to know that Rory? You want to know that I used to sit in my closet, reading so I wouldn't hear the screams coming from the next room. Or the shouts at me to open my door. You want to know about my life Rory? You think you can handle my life?"  
  
Rory was flinching with ever word he said. Jess was too far-gone to notice. His body became wracked with silent sobs. He collapsed to the floor, finally feeling everything he had pushed away for so long.   
  
Rory went and pulled him to her. She lay his head against her chest and stroked her hands through his hair silently. He clung to her with an unknown strength.   
  
Rory tilted her head downwards and kissed his temple. She began to whisper in his ear, "It's okay. Shhh. You're not alone anymore."  
  
(Love is what we came here for)  
  
  
  
  
A.N.: Please review? The next part I post will be the last part so I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it. Please tell me what you think. 


	8. Okayeventually

A.N.: Here it is! The LAST part! Please review. It was a pleasure writing this for you guys. See disclaimer in last part for song lyrics. () contains lyrics.  
  
VERY ANGSTY!  
  
  
  
Jess sat on the floor for a long time after Rory left. She didn't want to but he needed to be alone.  
  
He never wanted this.  
  
He never wanted her to know.  
  
  
(You say it's very hard  
To leave behind the life we knew)  
  
  
He stood, a determined look on his face. He went to the closet and grabbed his bag.   
  
He threw it on the bed and moved about the room in frenzy. He hurriedly grabbed clothes out of his dresser, not caring that the ones he didn't grab fell to the floor, and pushed them down inside his duffel.   
  
  
(But there's no other way  
And now it's really up to you)  
  
  
He grabbed a few essentials and some cash he had hidden. He zipped the bag and went to the window. He took one last look around his now trashed room.   
  
He blinked and swallowed past the lump he could feel forming in his throat. He ducked out onto the fire escape and scaled his way to the street.  
  
  
(Love is the key we must turn)  
  
  
He arrived at the bus station just in time to catch an outgoing bus. He sat down in the seat and finally gave himself a moment to think about what he was doing.  
  
What he was leaving behind.  
  
When he thought of Rory, his heart hurt. He knew he was giving up the best thing he had ever had.  
  
But she was too perfect.  
  
All he would do is hurt her.   
  
And she deserved more than what he could give her.  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
Rory bit her lip with a nervousness she couldn't explain. Her mom had pulled her into Luke's to have dinner and Rory had yet to see Jess.  
  
When Luke appeared to give them their food, she asked Jess' whereabouts.  
  
"Upstairs, I think." She nodded and walked up the stairs. She went inside the apartment and to his bedroom door.  
  
She knocked and waited uneasily as there was no answer.  
  
Finally she gave up and opened it for herself.  
  
The room was empty. The window open.  
  
She made her way to the bed and numbly sat down. Her body completely missed the bed and she fell clumsily to the floor.   
  
She pulled her knees up to her chest and felt the tears silently fall.  
  
  
(Truth is the flame we must burn)  
  
  
Her chest was hurting and she felt as though she were suffocating. She couldn't breathe.   
  
She lay down on the floor, and curled into the fetal position.   
  
  
(Do you know what I mean  
Have your eyes really seen)  
  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
  
Jess looked out of the bus window as it started up. He watched as Luke's passed by his view.   
  
Then the school.  
  
Then her......  
  
......her house.  
  
He heard a small voice inside telling him to get off the bus. Telling him to let someone in. To let someone care.  
  
He closed his eyes, unable to look any longer. He felt the bus lurch as it slowed to its last stop in Stars Hollow. His only chance to turn back.  
  
His last chance to live.  
  
(Freedom the lesson we must learn)  
  
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _  
--Later that night-  
  
Rory silently retraced the steps to her house. Her whole body was paralyzed.  
  
To the cold.  
  
To the pain.  
  
She pulled the key out of her pocket on the off-chance her mom had actually locked the door.  
  
It was pitch black dark and she had trouble seeing where she was headed. She didn't know what time it was. She had fallen asleep in his room.  
  
She sighed, pushing the thought out of her mind, incapable of thinking of him right now. Her hand was on the doorknob when she heard him.  
  
No.  
  
She felt him.   
  
Rory turned, scared she was imagining it. There was a thump as his duffel hit the porch. Rory felt her breath catch in her throat.   
  
He was leaning against the posts, refusing to look her in the face.  
  
"I thought you had left." Rory's fragile voice broke through the deafening silence. There was also a trace of hope that she had been so very wrong.  
  
"I did."   
  
"Oh." Her one expression spoke volumes. It told of the pain, the heartbreak that she had experienced in that short amount of time.  
  
He cleared his throat, "But I came back." She looked up into his piercing gaze. "Oh."  
  
He took a step towards her, then stopped. He acted as if he was reaching to her but then dropped his hands to his side. He had nothing to say, no explanation or apology.   
  
Rory nodded, "You came back." He heard her acceptance of his excuse.  
  
Of him.   
  
She took a step, drawing her body closer to his. She could feel the heat radiating off of his body as she put a hand on his chest.   
  
He looked at her, wondering what he had done to deserve affection from someone like her.   
  
Their eyes met and he smiled. He knew that, somehow, everything was going to be okay.  
  
She accepted all of him, even his past. He knew that that was not something everyone received in their life.  
  
As long as he had her, nothing else would matter and he knew......  
  
He watched her face as she smiled and even giggled a bit, dizzy with an overwhelming happiness.  
  
......He knew would be okay.  
  
THE END!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
A.N.: I'm going to write another story based in this line. It's going to be about Jess' mother coming to Stars Hollow to ask forgiveness. 


End file.
